1 00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:17,780 ♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪ 2 00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:23,450 ♪ and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more ♪ 3 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,980 ♪ oh, it's like I started breathing ♪ 4 00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:28,780 ♪ on the night we kissed 5 00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:34,010 ♪ and I can't remember what I ever did before ♪ 6 00:00:34,050 --> 00:00:37,180 ♪ what would we do, baby 7 00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:39,880 ♪ without us? 8 00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:42,550 ♪ what would we do, baby 9 00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:45,210 ♪ without us? 10 00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:47,880 ♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪ 11 00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:49,880 ♪ we can't love each other through ♪ 12 00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:51,350 ♪ ooh-hoo 13 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:54,210 ♪ what would we do, baby 14 00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:57,080 ♪ without us? 15 00:00:57,110 --> 00:01:00,610 ♪ sha-la-la-la 16 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,160 Alex. Glad you could make it down 17 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,160 for the final 30 seconds of dinner. 18 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,360 Oh, sorry, mom. I was in the middle of studying. 19 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,130 You know, if I was to break concentration at that point, 20 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,830 it would've been a fatal error. 21 00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:19,800 This week, every minute, every second is precious. 22 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,700 Don't be so melodramatic, Alex. 23 00:01:21,730 --> 00:01:23,860 What's the big deal about studying for midterms? 24 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:28,400 Why don't you try it sometime and find out, Mallory? 25 00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:30,500 Alex, Mallory's been making great strides 26 00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:32,030 this year in her schoolwork. 27 00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:35,360 Didn't you say you thought you'd get a 'B' in biology this term? 28 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,800 I did say that. 29 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,300 I did think that. 30 00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:41,560 I was wrong. 31 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,830 Anyway, it's not the same, dad. See, I'm a senior. 32 00:01:43,860 --> 00:01:45,500 These are the last grades I'll get 33 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,100 that will count towards college. 34 00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:48,300 Oh, and on top of that, 35 00:01:48,330 --> 00:01:50,530 the State Scholarship exam is on Saturday. 36 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,200 I'm probably gonna emerge from this week a babbling idiot. 37 00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:55,930 You're a week ahead of schedule. 38 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,930 Oh, Steven, your special's about to start. 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,130 Mm. Come on, kids, you'll love it. 40 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,730 It's called "The Wolverine. A vanishing breed." 41 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,400 You know what a Wolverine is, don't you, Jen? 42 00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:09,500 Sure. It's half-wolf and half-nectarine. 43 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,930 Better watch the show. 44 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,400 Uh, Mallory. 45 00:02:13,430 --> 00:02:15,160 Can I talk to you for a second? 46 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,860 Why? What do you want? 47 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:18,830 It's just a small thing. 48 00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,430 Well, the size surprises me. 49 00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:23,000 Okay, listen, I... I'm in trouble. 50 00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:25,430 I-I-I've got more work to do this week 51 00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,530 than... Than even I can manage. 52 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,030 So I need your help. 53 00:02:29,060 --> 00:02:31,800 Do you want me to write one of your term papers for you? 54 00:02:34,630 --> 00:02:37,830 This is no time for jokes, Mallory. 55 00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:39,530 Look, the help I need from you. 56 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,400 I-involves your friend, uh, Effie. 57 00:02:41,430 --> 00:02:43,160 Effie? What do you want from Effie? 58 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,000 Well, does, uh... 59 00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:48,060 Does she still take those, uh, diet pills? 60 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,430 You know what I mean. Amphetamines. 61 00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:53,960 Speed? Shhhhh! 62 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000 Yeah, she does. Why? 63 00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:58,130 Well, t-they speed up your metabolism, you know? 64 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,730 They give you extra energy. 65 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,160 I, uh, I may need that this week. 66 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,760 Alex, Effie has a prescription for those pills. 67 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,960 It's illegal for anyone else to take them. 68 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,860 Oh, come on, Mallory. 69 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,600 You took one yourself, a couple of months ago, 70 00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,060 when you were on that diet. Right. 71 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,600 And it was you that talked me out of taking any more. 72 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,960 You said they were dangerous 73 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,000 and that drugs weren't the solution to anything. 74 00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:23,760 Oh. Sure. Throw that up in my face. 75 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,800 Look, Mallory, you know me well enough to know 76 00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:29,260 I am not gonna abuse the pills. 77 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:32,000 I probably won't even use 'em. 78 00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:35,360 They will sit on my shelf, and I won't touch 'em. 79 00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:38,500 Okay. I'll talk to Effie tomorrow. 80 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:40,260 No. Not tomorrow, tonight. 81 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:41,530 Uh, please. 82 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,800 The sooner I have them, 83 00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:46,030 the sooner I, uh, don't have to take 'em. 84 00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:51,700 Okay. U.S. government. Honors class. Mr. Wilkinson. 85 00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,060 Title page... 86 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:57,200 "Herbert Hoover, the lost savior." 87 00:03:57,230 --> 00:03:59,030 By Alex P. Keaton. 88 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,800 Hi. 89 00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:04,100 So... 90 00:04:04,130 --> 00:04:05,400 Did you, uh... 91 00:04:05,430 --> 00:04:08,430 I-I mean, were you able to, uh... 92 00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:10,560 Effie? 93 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,730 Yes, Alex, I got the speed. 94 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,760 Will you keep your voice down? 95 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,460 We are dealing with illegal contraband here, Mallory. 96 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,530 What took you so long? 97 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,330 Effie didn't want to give up the pills. 98 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,500 She said she needs them for her diet. 99 00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:30,530 How'd you talk her into it? 100 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:31,830 She likes you, Alex. 101 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:35,230 So, uh, I told her you'd go out with her. 102 00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:38,200 You what?! 103 00:04:38,230 --> 00:04:40,400 I don't want to go out with Effie. 104 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:43,830 She weighs 300 pounds. 105 00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:46,230 Well, it's a lucky thing for you she does, 106 00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:49,160 or she wouldn't have those pills. 107 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,200 All right, all right. I'll go out with her. 108 00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:55,360 Here they are. 109 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,030 Just be careful, okay? 110 00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:02,360 Mallory... 111 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,600 Mallory, don't worry your pretty little head 112 00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:06,260 over this anymore. 113 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,430 I can safely say 114 00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:10,430 that there is virtually no possibility... 115 00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:13,060 Of me taking even a single pill. 116 00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,160 Believe me. 117 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,130 I know what I'm doing. 118 00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:20,000 What am I doing? 119 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,760 Drugs. 120 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,000 These are drugs, and I have them illegally. 121 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,530 "Effie Blatts. 122 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,860 Take one every morning to control appetite." 123 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,930 I'm not Effie Blatts. 124 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,260 There's no way around it. 125 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,360 You know, if this ever went to trial, 126 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,660 I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. 127 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,960 I could wind up on a road gang for this... 128 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,430 With Effie Blatts. 129 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:57,460 'Course, she would do all the heavy work. 130 00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:01,360 On the other hand, what choice have I got? 131 00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,800 Help me out here. 132 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,830 I mean, what would you do? 133 00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:17,860 Pressure mounting from all sides, 134 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:22,530 y-your entire future, your career hangs in the balance. 135 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,400 Would you do something you knew was wrong? 136 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,800 Elyse: Hey, Alex, you want to take a break and join us? 137 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:36,460 Alex: I'm really busy, mom. 138 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,030 We're playing monopoly! 139 00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:45,800 Then you'll join us? 140 00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:48,830 Monopoly? You kidding me? I'd love a game. 141 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,160 Uh, I-i thought you had a lot of work to do? 142 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,330 Well, dad, I was thinking. 143 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,330 You know, term papers and exams come and go, 144 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,430 but the family unit is the one true constant in life. 145 00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,060 The precious hours spent in the familiar abode, 146 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,400 with loved ones, 147 00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:03,260 playing a heartwarming game such as this, 148 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,960 are what make memories 149 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,030 that one can treasure for all eternity. 150 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,930 When did all that occur to you? 151 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,100 As I was coming down the stairs. 152 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,300 Are these dice in proper working order? 153 00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:19,160 Yes, all the dots seem to be in place. 154 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,560 Okay. Okay, fine. Mallory, you're first. 155 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,660 Okay. 156 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:23,730 10. 157 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,260 Oh, I'm on the Jail Square. 158 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:28,130 Uh, relax, relax. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. 159 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,430 You're just visiting. 160 00:07:29,460 --> 00:07:31,100 Okay, uh, my turn! 161 00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:33,130 All right! Here we go! 162 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,560 Oh, oh, nobody took the thimble. 163 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,000 That's great. Here we go. 164 00:07:36,030 --> 00:07:39,100 Okay, let's have boxcars for daddy! 165 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,130 Oh! 166 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,630 Double threes. Six! 167 00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:48,900 Okay. That puts me on Oriental Avenue. 168 00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:51,600 That costs $100. I'll buy that. 169 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,030 Okay, my turn. 170 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,160 Four. 171 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,900 Income tax. You have to pay. 172 00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,330 Aw, that's not fair. Could I take a do-over? 173 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,000 Oh, sure. Go ahead. 174 00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:04,860 Whoa! Whoa! Hold the phone. 175 00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,100 No do-overs. 176 00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:08,530 Page four of the rule book says, and I quote... 177 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,160 Alex, we're gonna let Jennifer take a do-over. 178 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,630 Here are the dice, honey. 179 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:17,130 I won't stand for this. 180 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,000 This is a travesty. 181 00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,600 This is a sin against capitalism. 182 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,030 I'll be in the kitchen. 183 00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:26,900 You call me when it's my turn. Okay? 184 00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:28,430 Alex... 185 00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:30,900 Alex, you took one of those pills, didn't you? 186 00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,060 Nope. 187 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,060 Decided not to. 188 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,900 You did so, Alex. I can tell. 189 00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,730 You're completely out of control. 190 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,900 Mallory. Mallory, don't be silly. 191 00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,530 I'm fine. 192 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,100 Okay. Mom? Elyse: Yeah? 193 00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:44,660 I was gonna give the kitchen floors 194 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,330 a quick buffing. 195 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,430 Where do you keep the wax? 196 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,430 Never mind. I'll use my hands. 197 00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:01,730 Uh, no, he isn't home yet, Mrs. Obeck, 198 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,130 but I'll pass along your thanks. 199 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,600 Yeah, I'm glad Alex did a good job 200 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,030 cleaning out your garage. 201 00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:12,100 Uh, no, I don't know why he did it, either. 202 00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:16,960 I'm s-sorry he had to break a window to get in. 203 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,030 Bye-bye. 204 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:22,200 What has gotten into Alex this week? 205 00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:25,460 I don't know, but our floors have never looked better. 206 00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,700 He's just trying to be helpful. 207 00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:29,830 He oiled my roller skates yesterday. 208 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:30,930 So? 209 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:31,930 So?! 210 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,200 I was skating at the time. 211 00:09:35,230 --> 00:09:38,360 He has been in sort of a frenzy of activity lately, 212 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,860 I mean, uh, even for Alex. 213 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,360 I don't notice any difference. 214 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,560 No difference? 215 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,800 Mallory, do you realize how much work it takes 216 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:48,630 to install a skylight? 217 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,160 Great news. Great news! 218 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,160 I got my term paper on Hoover back from Mr. Wilkinson. 219 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,430 A-plus. Nice work, Alex. 220 00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:59,500 Look at this. Look what he wrote on the front. 221 00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:01,830 "An incredibly well-argued thesis. 222 00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:04,100 "I voted for Roosevelt four times. 223 00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:08,130 Thank you for showing me the error of my ways." 224 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,730 I also got a 92 on my economics final 225 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,000 and an "A" on my English term paper. 226 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:16,030 Does anybody have any laundry they want me to do? 227 00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,960 Alex, are you feeling all right? 228 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,230 Never better! 229 00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:23,230 You just seemed a little... Hyperactive. 230 00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:25,130 Oh, wh-what you're seeing here is simply 231 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,660 my natural boyish exuberance, that's all. 232 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,060 It was bound to emerge eventually. 233 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,930 I just worry about you... That's all. 234 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,760 Ah! Mommy. 235 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,330 Not to worry. 236 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,100 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna have a shower. 237 00:10:40,130 --> 00:10:41,360 When I come back down, 238 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,530 I'll make myself some dinner, okay? 239 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,000 Come on. 240 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,760 Did you get more pills from Effie? 241 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,160 Yes, Alex, I did. 242 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,460 Good. Well, where are they? 243 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:02,400 I'm not giving 'em to you, Alex. 244 00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:03,830 You've been taking them all week, 245 00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:05,730 and you've been acting very weird. 246 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,160 Weird? 247 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,200 Weird? 248 00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:11,560 D-do you mind giving me 249 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,530 an example of this alleged "weirdness" 250 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:17,200 in, uh, in my recent behavior? 251 00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:18,330 All right. 252 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,500 Why the sudden interest in Jennifer's Dollhouse? 253 00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:23,460 It's not a sudden interest at all. 254 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,830 I've been concerned for a while 255 00:11:24,860 --> 00:11:26,430 that her dolls were a little cramped, 256 00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:28,500 so I built an annex... 257 00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,030 uh, a little more breathing room for Molly 258 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:37,160 and, uh, whatever the hell the other one's name is. 259 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,500 I'm not giving you any more pills, Alex. 260 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:40,900 Mallory, 261 00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:43,600 I've got the biggest tests of my life coming up. 262 00:11:43,630 --> 00:11:46,160 I just want you to give me a couple more pills 263 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,030 to... to get me by, that's all. 264 00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:50,600 And then that's the end. Over. Finito. 265 00:11:50,630 --> 00:11:52,500 No. You should be able to study without them. 266 00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:54,230 Oh, I-i don't believe this. 267 00:11:54,260 --> 00:11:58,100 A lecture in study habits from the C-minus poster girl. 268 00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:02,900 Come on, Mallory. I'm not asking you for a dozen. 269 00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:04,360 Just one. 270 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,700 Maybe two. 271 00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:08,830 How many you got? No, Alex. 272 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,700 Alex, that's mine! Give it back! 273 00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:15,560 In a second, Mallory. In a second. 274 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,400 Alex, you have no right to do this! 275 00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:20,060 Thanks. 276 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,800 Don't ever speak to me again. 277 00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:25,060 Oh, lighten up, will you? 278 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,600 Oh, and, uh, Mallory, you know, if you're thinking 279 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,260 of telling mom and dad about this, 280 00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,760 you just keep in mind... 281 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,730 You're not exactly innocent here, either. 282 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:40,830 Is "The Miracle of Life" on yet? 283 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,660 Just started. What did I miss? 284 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,800 Uh, the sperm cell just joined up with the egg cell. 285 00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,260 What's that? 286 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,730 That's the inside of a woman's uterus, honey. 287 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,960 Anyone famous? 288 00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:55,500 I don't know. 289 00:12:55,530 --> 00:12:58,100 Have to wait till the credits. 290 00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:03,960 Hey, Alex. Good day at school? Yeah. 291 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,060 You do well on your tests? Fine. I did fine. 292 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,960 How were your papers? What is this, the inquisition? 293 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,100 Oh, Alex, who do you think you're talking to? 294 00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:14,130 I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The... t-the tests went fine. 295 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,060 I got an A-minus on my term paper. 296 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:19,730 I'm... I'm just... Tired, that's all. 297 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,330 Have you seen Mallory? Uh, no. 298 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:26,230 Alex, you're interrupting fertilization. 299 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,700 What is this trash you're watching? 300 00:13:28,730 --> 00:13:30,960 This isn't trash. Jennifer and I have been planning 301 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,330 on watching this for weeks. 302 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:33,860 It's "The Miracle of Life." 303 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,560 They show how babies are made. 304 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,330 Man on TV: Ensuing gestation period... 305 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,360 The stork brings babies, Jennifer. 306 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,100 You're not supposed to know otherwise 307 00:13:43,130 --> 00:13:44,400 till you're 12 years old. 308 00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:46,330 Alex, what are you doing? 309 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,030 I will not allow this smut in my house! 310 00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:52,500 This is not your house. This is our house! 311 00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:54,930 That is not smut, and I don't like the way you're acting. 312 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,130 Oh, well, maybe I don't like the way you're acting. 313 00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,530 Okay, Alex, I don't know exactly 314 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,500 what's going on here, but I don't like it. 315 00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,300 You go on up to your room and don't you come down 316 00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:04,800 till you can be a little more civil! 317 00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:06,460 What? 318 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,160 Are you seriously telling me to go to my room? 319 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,130 Yes, I am... no. In fact, I got a better idea. 320 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,630 First, you clean up the kitchen, 321 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,200 then straighten up the living room, 322 00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:16,500 and then go to your room... Any questions? 323 00:14:16,530 --> 00:14:18,430 Yeah. Yeah, I have a question. 324 00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:19,630 I most certainly do. 325 00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:22,660 Which, uh, room 326 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:25,630 did you want me to clean first? 327 00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:27,100 Your choice. 328 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,760 But, mom, what about the show? 329 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,100 We'll watch upstairs. 330 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,230 Good idea. 331 00:14:31,260 --> 00:14:33,200 There's less chance of us being interrupted 332 00:14:33,230 --> 00:14:35,360 by Alex and his housework. 333 00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,360 Mallory, Mallory, stop. 334 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,730 I'm not speaking to you, Alex. 335 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,460 Ma... Mallory, please. 336 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,530 Um, I took the... The last one this morning, 337 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,200 and, uh, I'm starting to feel real tired. 338 00:14:54,230 --> 00:14:55,430 I just need a couple more 339 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,060 to get me through the test tomorrow. 340 00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,730 Call Effie for me, please. 341 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,360 Not a chance. 342 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,360 Mallory, what do you want from me? 343 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,900 You want an apology? Okay, all right, I'm sorry. 344 00:15:06,830 --> 00:15:08,430 How about money? 345 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,800 Hello, Effie. 346 00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,630 Yeah, it's Alex. 347 00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:33,330 So where you been hiding yourself? 348 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,530 Okay, the correct answer is, I believe, 349 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,360 the Treaty of Westphalia, 350 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,330 and if I'm not mistaken... 351 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,200 the year was 1648. 352 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:48,100 Ah, right again. 353 00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:50,760 This is child's play. 354 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,260 Let's face it... 355 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,000 I am flawlessly prepared for this exam. 356 00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:58,460 After tomorrow, I can just pick my school. 357 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,530 Harvard. 358 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,830 Yeah, I think I'll go to Harvard. 359 00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,200 'Course, I shouldn't be too hasty here. 360 00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:08,130 The other Ivy league schools are gonna want a shot at me. 361 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,360 Pretty soon, they'll all be knocking at my door. 362 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,630 Aha! Here's one now. 363 00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:17,460 Come on in. 364 00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,430 I heard, uh, some noise in here, Alex. 365 00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:21,260 I thought I... 366 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:25,800 What are you doing? 367 00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:28,500 Painting my walls. 368 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,900 You want me to do your room next? 369 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:34,160 Alex, it's, uh, 3:30 in the morning. 370 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,830 I'll put a drop cloth over you and mom. 371 00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:37,760 You won't even know I'm there. 372 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,100 Put down the paintbrush. 373 00:16:40,130 --> 00:16:42,200 It'll dry unevenly, dad. 374 00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:43,700 Now, Alex! 375 00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:45,100 You know, dad, 376 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,830 I am so flawlessly prepared for this exam, 377 00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:49,300 I'm not gonna miss a single question. 378 00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:51,730 I don't believe it! 379 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,760 Did you dig those trenches in the backyard? 380 00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:57,130 Yeah, I did. 381 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,160 Why? 382 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,160 Underground sprinkler system. 383 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,130 Alex, how many hours have you slept this week? 384 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,400 I don't know... 385 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:07,600 Four. 386 00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,130 Four hours all week? 387 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,900 So I've been peppy. So what? 388 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,730 You haven't been peppy, Alex... You've been crazed. 389 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,800 Peppy, crazed. Tomato, "tomahto." 390 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,030 Have you been taking amphetamines? 391 00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:21,700 No. No... me? 392 00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:23,100 No way, dad. Not me. 393 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,600 Alex. 394 00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,430 Don't lie to me. 395 00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:29,330 All right, okay. I admit it. 396 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,960 I-I-i borrowed a few from Mallory's friend Effie. 397 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,000 Okay? 398 00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:37,500 No, it is not okay! 399 00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:39,560 Look, d-dad, I just needed 'em 400 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,530 to get me through this week. 401 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,500 Look. Look, I'll prove it to you, okay? 402 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,900 See? These are all of them I-in the garbage. 403 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:48,560 Gone. I've taken my last one. That is not the point, Alex. 404 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,760 You shouldn't have been taking them in the first place, 405 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,200 no matter how much you had to do. 406 00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:54,400 Dad, they work. They... they helped me. 407 00:17:54,430 --> 00:17:56,030 I have gotten more done this week 408 00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:57,600 than I ever thought possible. 409 00:17:57,630 --> 00:17:59,930 You got to admit it, dad. The stuff works. 410 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,800 I know what it does. I used it myself when I was in school. 411 00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,200 Oh. Oh, okay. 412 00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,530 Then how can you get mad at me? 413 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:14,260 This isn't a question of my being mad at you, Alex. 414 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:18,300 I-it's much more complicated than that. 415 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,930 Look... 416 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,700 I'm your father, 417 00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:24,530 and right now I see you taking a risk 418 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,700 with something you know nothing about. 419 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,360 Now, this is a dangerous, addictive drug 420 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,960 you're dealing with. 421 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,760 And nothing else matters to me 422 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,100 except stopping you from taking it. 423 00:18:34,130 --> 00:18:36,030 You don't have to worry be... 424 00:18:36,060 --> 00:18:38,600 I-I'm done with it. 425 00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:41,630 We're not done talking, Alex. 426 00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,860 We'll talk more in the morning. 427 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:51,830 We could, uh, both use some sleep. 428 00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:56,560 I know I could, before I fill in those trenches tomorrow. 429 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,500 And, uh, I know you need to study. 430 00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:02,700 Well, I-i pulled a few all-nighters myself 431 00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:04,200 when I was in school. 432 00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:09,130 I, uh, I remember my roommate Roland koonikowski. 433 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,600 Uh. 434 00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:12,400 We used to call him the owl, 435 00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:16,030 but it wasn't because he stayed up late... 436 00:19:16,060 --> 00:19:18,760 He could turn his head all the way... 437 00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,060 He's still asleep, Elyse. 438 00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:34,560 Alex. Alex. 439 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,500 Alex. Alex, wake up! You're late for your test! 440 00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:39,360 No! No, Effie! Effie! No, get back! 441 00:19:41,630 --> 00:19:44,560 Mom? Dad? What time is it? 442 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,030 It's 20 after 8:00. 443 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,360 The test. It's already started, Alex. 444 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,900 We thought you'd gone an hour ago. 445 00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,330 I overslept. 446 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,000 I can't believe it. I got to get going. 447 00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,730 Alex. Help me. 448 00:19:58,760 --> 00:19:59,960 Alex. Elyse, get him up. 449 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,700 Did I fall down? Come on. 450 00:20:01,730 --> 00:20:05,230 I think... now, look, I think you can forget the test. 451 00:20:05,260 --> 00:20:06,900 I got to get going. 452 00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:08,200 The door? 453 00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:09,800 Where's the door?! 454 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,660 Where are my... Where did I... 455 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,530 It's got to be somewhere... 456 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,060 The garbage! Probably in the garbage. 457 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,430 Alex! Alex! Stop it! Stop it! 458 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:21,930 It's over! 459 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,600 It's over. 460 00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,730 I never oversleep. 461 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,700 Never! Never! 462 00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:41,860 I have one of those internal clock radios. 463 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,500 I had that scholarship in the bag. 464 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:50,011 And I blew it! 465 00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:51,460 Speed is like that, Alex. 466 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,130 It'll keep you up for a while, 467 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,000 but when you crash, uh, you crash hard. 468 00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:57,930 I thought I could handle it. 469 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,600 Well, look at how you're handling it. 470 00:20:59,630 --> 00:21:02,060 You're... you're on your knees rummaging through the garbage, 471 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:04,360 looking for someone else's diet pills. 472 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,360 I guess I've had finer moments. 473 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,030 You know how you feel right now? 474 00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,230 Yeah. 475 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:13,930 Don't ever forget it. 476 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,360 Believe me, I won't. 477 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,630 Alex, why are you still here? 478 00:21:19,660 --> 00:21:21,730 Ma... Mallory. 479 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,400 I overslept. 480 00:21:23,430 --> 00:21:26,430 I missed the test. 481 00:21:26,460 --> 00:21:29,000 It was the pills. I-i couldn't wake up. 482 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,560 Mom and dad know about the pills. 483 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,030 I told them everything. 484 00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:37,900 Then you know I gave the pills to Alex. 485 00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:40,360 I didn't tell them that. 486 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,600 Mallory, you gave him the pills? 487 00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:49,100 She didn't want to, mom. 488 00:21:49,130 --> 00:21:52,000 I pressured her into getting them from Effie. 489 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,500 She even tried to talk me out of it. 490 00:21:57,730 --> 00:22:00,430 Uh, Mallory... 491 00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:03,760 I had no right to use you like that. 492 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,900 I'm sorry. 493 00:22:07,430 --> 00:22:11,060 Something going on here I should know about? 494 00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:14,130 Yeah. Yeah, I was just apologizing to Mallory 495 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,800 for treating her badly, 496 00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:18,160 and, uh, to you, too, Jennifer, 497 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,100 for, um, being such a creep all week. 498 00:22:26,030 --> 00:22:28,960 Am I on "Candid Camera"? 499 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,460 Why don't we all clear out of here and, uh... 500 00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:34,760 And let Alex get some sleep? 501 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,030 We'll, uh... we'll talk more about this later, 502 00:22:37,060 --> 00:22:38,230 when you wake up. 503 00:22:38,260 --> 00:22:41,200 From the looks of you, that should be about Thursday. 504 00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:46,030 You look awful, Alex. 505 00:22:46,060 --> 00:22:49,100 How could I do this, Mallory? 506 00:22:49,130 --> 00:22:51,400 I was out of control. 507 00:22:51,430 --> 00:22:54,230 Okay. I-i-it was like it wasn't even me, 508 00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:57,560 like it was somebody else. 509 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,300 Very scary, Mallory. 510 00:23:00,330 --> 00:23:03,300 It was scary for me, too. I didn't know who you were. 511 00:23:03,330 --> 00:23:05,760 It was like you were a different person. 512 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,260 Well, uh... 513 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:11,630 The old Alex is back. 514 00:23:12,930 --> 00:23:14,500 I never thought I'd say this, 515 00:23:14,530 --> 00:23:17,060 but I'm glad to see you. 516 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,860 Oh, by the way, um, Effie called. 517 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,160 She said, uh, when you pick her up tonight, 518 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,130 dress casual... 519 00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:30,930 and she's hungry.